You're A Winner.

My Mum always describes me as either 'a bit off the rails' or 'just a wee bit different' and I always tell her it'd be so dll if everyone was the same and there weren't people like me to give you a change.

I can't even begin to imagine how those "Normal" people get by. Going by the latest trends and what not... How can you possibley be passionate about anything when all you do is follow the fashions and keep up with the new look?

It's completely beyond me. I couldn't bring myself to throw all of my woolie jumpers and skinnies out to replace them with those floral dresses and them weird lacey things. I'd never discard my Doc's in favour of a pair of Dolly shoes. I don't care if it's cool to have hundreds of hair right now, I love looking like a boy.

And I'd rather look like a clown than anything else.

Nobody Knows It But Me.

I change shapes just to hide in this place.

I read one of my new favourite quotes the other day, goes something like "Suchiehall Street can't contain us, we'll drink 'til we're famous" - Andrew Bradley, is that not just fantastic?

I'll tell you what else is fantastic, hugs. Loving hugs right now. And holding hands, just touching. Sharing and talking and telling stories and getting to know you.

There's nothing I look forward to more these days. If I'm not texting you I'm reading a text from you or thinking of a reply. If I'm not on the phone we're on msn or I'm up at the flat. When I'm not there I'm usually travelling to or from yours. Maybe it's just because It's been a while but it seems like a big deal to me.

I love it when I arrive in peoples lives, unannounced, and grab their attention.

This might be the kick I need for this writers block.

Don't tell yourself you're happy if you ain't.

Kate Tempest is an inspiration. You can tell she puts so much into her work, that every word she speaks is stuffed with emotion and each poem is overflowing with feeling. Watching her on stage, she spoke with so much passion. It's rare to watch a live act and actually think they're focusing more on what they're saying than how it sounds. She's an inspiration and a half.

Oh My God.

Gorillaz – Some Kind of Nature (Feat. Lou Reed)

And! dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip tonight. Ohmygodohmygod.

Balance.

"You've got your ball, you've got your chain tied to me tight, tie me up again."

Don't Look Back In Anger.

Putting practice into play.

What did I say yesterday? "And you've asked me a thousand times if I'm okay, I daren't tell you that I'm not."... I would love to tell you what's wrong but I don't even know. Sometimes I'm a mess, I'm a wreck but I can't describe why.

I couldn't be more embarrassed. I know it's not what you think I think it is.

"Who broke my Heather?"
"You think I'm broken? I'm just temporarily on hold."
"That's a bit cryptic. Do explain, dearest."
"I love it when I'm cryptic! Can't I leave anything to the imagination? It's nothing really, just me being a big girl."
"I thought as much. Don't be silly, it's not what you think. She's like a little sister and I hate insest!"
"No! Don't you be silly! I told you, I'm not silly. I'm just... off right now."

You've hit the nail right on the head. I don't know.

Mystery Letters.

About an hour ago, I felt completely useless. At that moment in time, I was convinced that indulging in past bad habits would make everything okay. Flicking through my Blogger updates to see an old but familiar name was the begining of cheering me up. "Something to read, something to take my mind off of my dreary life." and I read. Then I read again. Then I read another few times.

Reading over that second last paragraph, just reading and re-reading, it made me realise this is not the end of the world, I am not completely worthless, there are plenty of other people I should think about besides myself. The Enemy. God, The Enemy. You couldn't have described it better, "I felt loved and scared and used and dirty and elated and ecstatic and you were right there with me, experiencing it" that's exactly how it was. Absolute madness. Far from the norm. But like you said, we are insane, aren't we?

A million 'thank you's, albeit, a bit late. I'd hate to have you think you're mearly a facebook friend. You are so much more than that. Everytime I walk by Waterstones I get excited. And there's a life size cut out of that silly shiney vampire in the window of Forbidden Planet that I keep telling myself I'm going to buy and ship it to you.

You may hate listening to yourself but I could listen to you for days. There's so much to know. You may also hate reflection but that's the gritty part about blogging! And there's nothing I enjoy more than reading something that you've typed, when it's full of emotion.

I like the silence too. It's comfortable silence, I feel. But never think of yourself as 'just a facebook friend', we have this secret place where we can write to eat other but no one will know. None of this "how are you" nonsense, I like to read about the real stuff. Type more for my amusement? Atleast to pass the time. To get it out in the open. To rage more. I love it when you write. There's been nothing that has come from you that I haven't liked. I still have one, locked away, "My Delilah, you name is lit up now. In blue and red flashes, it gleams on the front door. The torch light shines on your greying face. Your smiling. Your name is finally in lights, my dear Delilah. Hey there, Delilah. They forgot you."

I hope to hear more.

Everything Is Wrong.

"No one can take it away from me, no one can tear it appart 'cause a heart that hurts is a heart that works."

See? This is why I shouldn't try and get close to people. I am a vile person. I am terribley jelous. I am so many horrible things but as much as I try to act like it doesn't bother me... I couldn't possibley be any more upset. Sure, I'm going to be upset right now, it's 'that time' when I get dead emotional about anything.

But I think this will be an on-going problem. The fact of the matter is, you have alot of friends that aren't mine. God... This is all a lot of nonsense and I know I'm freaking out over nothing. I'm hungry and I'm tired and I'm cold and I'm ill, I'm over-reacting. Alot. It could be anything right now that would set me off, we're just unlucky that it's this.

I can't help but think that this, 'us' thing, is never actually going to kick off.

And you've asked me a thousand times if I'm okay, I daren't tell you that I'm not. I couldn't stand the thought that I'd be a burden to you. The idea that you'd have to re-think all of your plans because I might be upset would only make me feel worse.

So, I'll keep my problems to myself and leave you be. I don't want a part of you. I want the whole of you. This is all going far too slow for my liking, so I assume I'm not to your liking.

Up On Melancholy Hill.

According to the internet, these are the men I've to avoid:
Mr Liar Liar, Mr Controlling, Mr Player, Mr Eeyore, Mr Sponger, Mr Mummy's Boy, Mr Doormat, Mr Child Hater, Mr Addict and Mr Never-Been-Single.

Now I want you to think about this; have you ever met a man that isn't partially one of those men?

Exactly. Now shut up and stop being so picky. Beggers can't be choosers.

With These Hands.

You know that feeling you get when something happens? Something that you don't want to happen? Something you didn't even take into consideration.

Shock? It's partially shock. Some of it is just ultimate disappointment. A pinch of anger too. Just so much emotion in the whole of one minute. It's these oments that make me question weither it's worth all of the hasstle.

And you know what I say?

The war has begun.

Help?