Say, say, say.

All alone I sit home by the phone waiting for you, baby.

Taking a fortnight off work with only myself for company might be one of my worst ideas. Grats, 'Delilah', you've done it again. Being left home alone with nothing but my thoughts has driven me mad. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work! Just to get out of my own head.

I keep expecting the diamond in the rough to be right under my nose. I've been on dates with all sorts of average Joe's recently.

I've found a Mr. Right-Now for the mean time. Even though he has no future plans, no sleep pattern, no milk in the fridge... he's the only thing I can rely on right now. One of the most un-organised guys I've ever met is the only stable thing I've got going.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

On my own.

True to form, I only ever come here when I'm sad.

I don't think 'sad' cuts it these days. I'm just going plain crazy.

I finally got to a point where I was sure of what I wanted. I wanted to be back in a serious, long term kind of relationship. I wanted to meet the person that makes my life a little better, easier. The one that makes me a better person and makes me feel good about who I am.

Then I had an epiphany, that I was unnaturally attached to my ex. My 'bestie'. It wasn't good for me. It was stopping me from getting to that happy couple kind of place. I was still emotionally invested in what we had without actually having him. Isn't that fucked up? I'm so fucked up.
So now I'm keeping my distance. For my own good.

But now I just feel lonely. I'm in a terrible place. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm finding someone by chatting up all these guys online, having a million first dates that don't go anywhere. This isn't how it's going to happen.

I need to be happy with myself. I'm stupid to think someone else is going to tell me I'm a good person and I'll start believing it. I need to believe it, on my own.