Underground.

My head is pounding, I can't stop the pounding. I think it is going to explode and kill everybody who's in close proximity to the place I call my home. And they'll make a moving made-for-tv movie for Life Time all about my life that ends with an epitaph, one that will make you laugh, that says "great mom, okay wife". And it'll be funny to the people who know me, who know if my body's not burned. My soul will spend an eternity in misery, tethered and bound to this earth. So I'm not a dick or a stick in the mud, always ruining things for my friends. I mustn't forget when I see the sun set that tomorrow it will rise again.

So I tattoo instructions on my ass that say "Don't ever put this body in a casket. Burn it and put the ashes in a basket and throw them in the Puget Sound... I don't ever want to be under ground".

I wearing size thirteen basketball shoes and laugh at your fishnets. I'm freaked out and fucked up and I'm standing alone in an alley with you, wanting to show you a cure for your hiccups but instead I close my eyes. The needles are numbered so I'm writing you letters and I cannot disguise the fact that I'm nervous when we are together. So I fantasizethat the nights will get shorter and the days will get better. I feel a kick inside and decide, if this is a girl I'm naming her Heather. She'll look just like you but her hair will be feathered. She'll say how you died before you ever met her... Her hair will be feathered.

My head is pounding, I can't stop the pounding. I think it is going to explode. There are plus and minuses to sinuitus like sometimes I get to go home. Mostly it hurts so bad I think I'm dying. I just blew my nose and now I feel like crying and the dreams that I have are all of my past lives and the seizures would paralyze me in the night and I wake up clutching my teddy bear tight. I'm drooling and trying to turn on the light. All I can do is hold fast and sit tight but what if they forget 'cause you know they just might.

So I tattoo instructions on my ass that say "Don't ever put this body in a casket. Burn it and put the ashes in a basket and throw them in the Puget Sound. I don't ever want to be under ground."