10/10.

All the cheap and sugary philosophies have got me on the fence, just waiting and waiting.

I was just outside The Clyde when my Dad called. "Your brother's been taken into hospital, he's okay, but we're going to come and pick you up." He's in hospital but he's okay... I don't think so.

He hadn't been well. Hayfever, completely normal for him especially this time of the year. A couple of days he was loaded with hayfever. On Sunday he felt particularly unwell. He went to work, 5am to 10.30am, his normal. He came home straight after and went straight to bed, not unusual. He woke up for dinner at 5, had a shower and they headed around to my Uncle & Aunts house, it's just around the road. They had their meal, a couple of drinks. He was only feeling worse, decided he'd best get home and to bed. My Uncle walked him to the gate, it has a thousand locks on it that no one seems to understand. As they walked down the drive, my Uncle felt a heavy weight on his back, James' arms on his shoulders. Down like a tonne of bricks, so he was.

Cardiac arrest. Apparently you'r heart just decided "sorry pal, i'm taking a moment to myself the now". In turn, your brain is starved of oygen causing everything to shut down.

The ambulance came in 4 minutes, pretty fast if you ask me. You always hear about emergency services having shoddy time keeping and all that but they were there in a jiffy. They brought out the difubrillator and gave him a wee buzz. He came to and, confused, swung at most of the people in the ambulance. It took 4 nurses to keep him down.

He's been kept sedated, paralysed and on a good amount of painkillers. There's a machine breathing for him the now until he can manage it himself. They've told us today that he has a chest infection from vomit that he'd chocked on, while he was unconcious, that's been inhaled into his lungs. The doctors will try to prevent this from developing into pnemonia.

He's 20, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink excessively. He keeps a good, varied diet. A young, healthy lad. He's had a heart condition all his life that we've only just found out about. His heart is too big. the muscles are too thick, his heart can over work itself and not pump blood properly. The doctor said if the circumstanced has been any different, his chances of survival would have been very slim.

My Dads side of the family have alot of medical history regarding heart conditions. All of his Mums brothers and sisters died between 20 and 40. I'll need to go to the doctors once this has all blown over to get checked.

And, that's that I guess?

It's been the worst weekend of my life.