Change.

Another couple of months have passed without me visiting here. I'm starting to interpret this as a positive, long winded blog posts used to be my way of venting. I was a lot younger then.

I was thinking of an old friend, which reminded me of this blog. An ex, actually. My very first 'boyfriend', I was thinking about how unbelievably 'in love' I was. I enjoyed those times, when the only thing that mattered was my own sadness. Is that ridiculous? I was at an age in my life, I thought the world would end because I couldn't have the boy I wanted. Oh, how things are different these days! About 8 years later and I am so cold hearted. If he could see me now, I don't think he'd realise who I am.

I wonder if there's anything about me that's remotely like the person I was before. I understand we all grow up but I feel like I've changed personality. I'm much nastier. I'm emotionally unavailable to an extreme.

"Listen, I'll tell you a secret. If I should ever feel like going home, I'd jump so I could fly. I'd be the one with every piece of sand, with every mountain high. Don't tell me I'm wrong, that it breaks your heart, cause that's just the way I feel. I love it here but I don't belong here and it's been clear for a while."