Scream.

"With such confusion don't it make you wanna scream
Your bash abusin' victimize within the scheme
You find your pleasure scandalizin' every lie
Oh father, please have mercy ?cause I just can?t take it
Stop pressurin? me
Just stop pressurin' me
Stop pressurin' me
Make me wanna scream"

Do we see ourselves differently? Rather than from everyone elses perspective? It confuses me, makes me angry too!

Today I was sitting with Martin and Courtney, talking about the Christmas Dance; a ritual of which I will not be joining in. Bless them though, trying to encourage us to take part in school activities, I apreciate the thought. Courtney, in reply to me saying that I don't have a dress, said that she would lend me one of hers. I almost laughed. Not that I don't like Courtneys dresses, I've never seen them! Just the idea of me fitting into a Courtney sized dress amused me. She may be small, but she's not that much smaller than me.It'd be a tight squeeze, that's all.

I am not unhappy with my weight, it's nothing noticable. So I have a rediculously large posterior and love handles, so what? I don't mind and I'm sure most people don't. But everyone does this weird thing where they think that you are skinnier than you actually are, they must see you differently to the way you see yourself? Boggles my mind!

I know my body better than anyone else. I'm the only person that's seen my body properly. I know all of my flaws. I know what size of trouser I am and what size of top. I know that your clothes will not fit my thunder theighs and Jamie Sized Butt.