Feel The Pull.

I remember very little of last year. I don't remember much before a few months ago. Things from the past, the things I like, are so vivid in my memory.

I remember 'that summer' like it was yesterday. I can tell you almost everything, down to what I was wearing on every day. I remember it all so well. That was 2006. I remember that time I told my Mum I was staying at Danielles and then we snuck out into town to go and see our boyfriends. My Mum didn't know about my boyfriend. I remember the next day, wearing black on such a hot day was ridiculous, we hid under the stairs at Craigendoran trying to be comfortable with each other. I remember everything that happened before Jake left. Anything after that is jumbled up. That summer seemed like forever, probably because I wanted it to end so much, it just seemed to drag on. I can't remember how I was when the summer ended. I can remember much after that.

I don't remember the summer after that, I don't remember 2007. I remember being single. I was dumped just a few months before hand. I think the weather was bad that year. Why the fuck can't I remember?

The weather last year was okay. I had a family holiday, I didn't want to go, more than anything. I wanted to be in Portugal, that place is my home from home. It was the only place I ever want to go. I wanted to see Jean, I wanted to be in a place I could feel comfortable. I didn't enjoy that summer much, I think. There was alot going on that year. Jake came to visit too... I actually almost forgot, that's never happened before. I think that was one of the most difficult times of my life, it was also the end of summer.

I wish this summer could be simple, like it used to be. I know it wont be though, I know I'm going to spend alot of the time complaining or curled up in my bed covers. I wish I knew what's going to happen now, so I can kick myself in the teeth sooner rather than later.

Is it because I'm growing up? Ha, growing up, who am I kidding? Getting old, that's more like it. I'm not allowed to be a silly little teenager now. Responsibility.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grownups.png

But grown ups make the rules. I must be in some sort of Limbo.