Dream On.

Listening to Depeche Mode. It makes you cool to listen to cool music.

Why is it when I decide I want a man, a boy, a relationship there are no choices?
Why is it that when I decide to stay away from relationships all together, about 4 or 5 people present themselves? Am I expected to make a decision? With all the offers at once, how can I possibley choose?

I tell you what, here's my offer;
I'm not going to choose. I'm going to completely ignore the lot of you. Oh yes, that's right, you heard me. I'm going to see who loses interest. I'm going to see who the good guys are and who I should avoid. I have a vague idea already but I never know for sure.

We've been going for almost 4 months now, you're my safety net. I know that when things go wrong with all they other boys I can come to you. I can call you up and arrange a saturday out. Then I'm with you and it goes away, it's just the two of us. You're everything I don't look for in a guy. You're like me but male. You're a prick to me, but I'm a cunt to you... and it works. I'm just completely and utterly jelous though when I see those pictures of you and other girls. You're not rightfully mine, I cannot shout at you for going to all those parties because it's not my place to do so. If we were together, you'd still go to these nights out and get drunk anyway. I doubt I could deal with that.

I know you wanted to kiss me that night we sat on the second floor, even though I said I didn't notice, I knew. It was obvious, you made it so obvious. I was too busy running to the first floor trying to kiss that last boy I mentioned. "I can see i'm a little unstable". I gave you th completely wrong impression, but I was just trying to be nice. I shouldn't have though, I should have made it clear that day that I was not interested. You're a perfect boy, and any girl would be lucky to have you. I feel that if I was with you, you would be great for me. You would treat me like gold. But alas, I know I do not deserve gold.

You are a funny one. Rediculous, infact. We'd only just met and you were already trying to sway my emotions. You're a laugh, but that is all. You're fun. That doesn't mean I will shrug you off this saturday, ofcourse not. I do what I do all the time, and you'll think you have a chance, but I'm jst a tease and you're just some fun. You can have my kisses and my hugs, but you will not have my heart, because I know that you don't want it. You don't like me, you like my face.

I will never stop trying for you. I can't stop myself.

I hate this.