It's Breaking Me.

I believe in you and me
I'm coming to find you
If it takes me all night
Wrong until you make it
And I won't forget you
At least I'll try
And run, and run tonight
Everything will be alright

I am not as strong as this. I can't hold up these walls around me. They're crumbling, I can't hold them. You know I'm not this capable, yet you persist to test my independance. Why? I thought this was love. I was always told that love was beautiful. It can't be. It's turning me into something ugly.

"Stay if you wanna love me, stay
Oh don't be shy, let's cause a scene
Like lovers do, on silver screens
Lets make it, yeah, we'll cause a scene"

I don't know how to do this anymore. Nothing makes sense. These walls will some crashing down. I will be exposed for what I truely am. Weak, pathetic, vunerable little girl.

It's not my fault I am this way. To be honest, It's your fault. Not just you, all of you. Every boy that's ever hurt me, every girl that's ever slated me. Each and every friend of mine. You've all molded me into what I've become, it's just a shame that what I have become is something you're not so fond of anymore. Miss Independant, Miss Self Sufficient, Miss Keep-Your-Distance. It's my mums fault, for telling me day in, day out; "You either hurt or be hurt. Break hearts, don't let any boy break your heart."... and I obviously took this into great seriousness.

I refuse to let anyone see me as soft, caring, dependant. I will not let anyone be soft towards me, care for me or depend on me. These are my walls. I need to keep them standing, sheltering me.

I will not, I cannot say goodbye anymore. I can pretend, I'll happily pretend that you will never leave me again. But you will, I know it, it always happens. I cannot win this one. Either way, whatever happens, I will get hurt. I hate being hurt. I hate this I hate me for getting myself involved. No more goodbyes, please.