It's Valentines Day and I'm sitting alone watching Forrest Gump. Sums me up pretty well I think. He's in the hospital because he got shot "directly in the buttocks" and he's just recived all the letters from Jenny.
I have nothing to say today, I hate that. I'm in a foul mood, I hate that more though.
I no longer do now. I just simply exist now, I'm not living, I'm just being. One of the most horrible feelings is that of not belonging.
My day consists of nothing. Well, that's a lie, it consists of the same things, day in, day out. I wake up, I put make up on and tie my hair up. I leave the house in the morning and have a coffee somewhere, anywhere. I meet up with people to take my mind off of this and I go home. I go to my room, I throw on a movie and I eat far too much chocolate. My day is made up of coffee, movies, friends, chocolate and the internet; things I've ended up relying on far too much.
Coffee. I had one this morning. I had it with 6 sugars. I was in a weird mood after that. I love it. It's the same with anything, the alcohol or the drugs. Any of the mind altering substances. It's like, I don't know, a change? The chance to not be myself, even if it's for a little while, it's a break. A break from reality.
I am happy with the person that I am. I achive as much as I can. The problem is that I am sick of me. Day in day out putting up with the same old me. I couldn't be more bored of myself. Same old brand new me, forever.
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