Things Change.

My Mum bought me new underwear today, not that this is new just, she bought it in the right size. She never buys my clothes in the right size, she always gets them a size up. I'm not sure if she thinks I'm heavier that I am of if it's one of those "you'll grow into it" things... but baggy clothes don't fetch the guys. Maybe that's it, she must know that.

"I love you and your brother more than anything in the world, and I won't leave you right now."
Says the mother to the daughter in Thirteen. Basic story of the movie is, adolescent teen goes off the rails, lying, drinking, smoking, stealing, self harm, you name it, she's done it. Lovely bond between mother and daughter saves the day, everyone's happy.

My mother wasn't like that. She didn't try and hug me when I told her not to. She didn't make me sit down and talk about everything. She didn't try to force some truth out of all my lies. She never asked me what was wrong. I'm so, so happy she never talked to me. Sure, it would have been nice to feel the love and all, but when you've had your own mum sitting on the end of your bed crying her eyes out... once is enough.

It's a horrible thought though, imagine your mum knowing those kind of things about you. "Hey Mum! I stole atleast £5 worth of sweets from Woolies today and then went to Boots to get each and every one of my female friends the new Boujours mascara, I also treated myself to some eyeliner too! And we're all out of tissues, I should have got some of those, seeing as they're scattered all around my room drenched in blood. Next time you leave though, I'll clean it up. Oh! I need money too, I'm going to lie to you about where I'm staying to go sleep over with the boyfriend that I haven't told you about, so yeah, I need money for booze and fags..."

My Mum got none of that. Instead, she got the back lashes. She got all of the "I'm fine"s in the world and sometimes a "Leave me alone! I hate you!". I don't know what's worse.

I was a stupid, stupid girl and I can't believe I treated my own Mum the way I did. Jesus, she's my Mum! I used to tell people that I hated her more than anything in the world. I don't! I love my mum!

I don't think, those years of my life, I was thinking straight. I was not the same person I am now, not in the slightest. Now, it's only half as bad. I only lie about the things that would get me grounded. The fact is, this month I have cost her alot of money. I've been ridiculously clumsy and acted like a dick about it and she still hasn't ripped my head off. My Mum could be a much worse person and I still couldn't blame her... 'cause she's my Mum.