Rage More.

I got rid of my numb feeling for almost ten minutes.

I'd been alright for the period of time I'd spent in my house, which is always okay. Me at the computer with some salt and vinegar Walkers and a Boost bar; complete and utter bliss! At around about ten to six I left this comfortable enviroment to go out in the freezing cold and wait on Tim. As much as Tim annoys me sometimes, I forget why I actually do like him so much! As horrible as that sounds, I don't mean it in a nasty way. Tim came off the train, it was three minutes late; typical.

On the way I had a sneaky cigarette... I've quit for almost two weeks, for those of you who don't know me. The ten minutes it took me (i'm a slow smoker) to have that 'fag' were excellent. I've not felt half as good as that in a week or so. The first drag made me really, really happy. Oh, the way it hits the back of your throat! And that taste it leaves afterwards, as much as I used to hate it, I craved it! I don't want a cigarette right now, I don't need one either, but that feeling was great and I wont be able to go without that feeling. The whole "out of control" feeling was lost. I felt as if my feet were back on the ground, physically, and I chose the direction I was in.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that I could be a "control freak". I don't want to be controlling of people, so maybe I should keep this habit as a vent, my xomething to control.